lunchbreaks: (i've been cheated by you)
ଘ 𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕖 ([personal profile] lunchbreaks) wrote in [community profile] angryhearts2020-07-13 05:18 pm

fish gotta swim | closed



WHO: Aziraphale and Crowley closed event log

WHAT: Like y'all don't wanna touch these feelings with a ten-foot pole tbh

WHEN: During the event!

WHERE: Castle Ruins

NOTES: The grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one




He used to feel love around every corner he turned. He had much of it to spare, of course, and his whole shop was doused in it. In the middle of Soho he was surrounded by it, of all walks of life, all sorts. Couples, families, friends... people and their pets, people pressed against shop windows and walking by with snacks and balloons in the summer and wrapped gifts in the winter.

It felt so empty, recently, without being reminded every waking moment (and that was every moment) of the human capacity for the emotion.

And so, one day walking around the ruins of the castle, when he feels trickles of something familiar, he feels the relief like taking a breath after breaking water, like stepping in from the cold. "Crowley!" he calls, wondering where he'd slinked off to. He hadn't drunk a tea, which meant - maybe - maybe it was starting to come back naturally. Maybe it was growing back! There was so much more with it that he couldn't place, but that was probably just an after-effect.
inlovewithmycar: (an Example)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-13 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Crowley isn't far off, having climbed up what was once a staircase but could now only generously be called a rubble heap. He peeks over the large gap in the second floor at Aziraphale and gives a cheery wave.

He's finding it harder and harder to go terribly far from Aziraphale these past couple days, but he's been writing it off as how tenderly Aziraphale held him when he found he was able to return to snake form. Crowley had immensely enjoyed that, but took it for the fluke it was, and hadn't expected more from the angel.

"M'here. Is something wrong?"
inlovewithmycar: (Demonic miracle)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-13 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Crowley is blindsided by the sudden rush of affection, like someone opening the blinds into the mausoleum he calls a flat, and he staggers a bit.

Funny, he normally has his emotions well under control. Well, these particular emotions. When he's around Aziraphale at least.

Scrabbling down the heap of rocks, Crowley trots up to the angel, curious about this new development.

"Oh yeah? Which one's that?"
inlovewithmycar: (very drunk)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-13 10:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Chilly dread seizes Crowley's heart in one single instant and panic passes over his earlier cheerful expression.

Oh fuck, he thinks to himself, tone it down, he's got that back.

"Oh. Uh. Nope. Not really feeling anything return. Maybe that tea was a two-for-one? The other one being delayed?"

Or maybe it was something he ate? Or maybe things were just returning naturally.

It didn't bode well if Aziraphale could feel that though - Crowley's been positively radiating his adoration for the angel since they got here and he's not sure how to dial it back now.
inlovewithmycar: (Thrown for a loop)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-14 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
"This place might have been well-loved in it's hey-day?" Crowley offers weakly, hoping against hope this satisfies Aziraphale's question.

"What's a bit odd, though? You could always feel love, right? This doesn't feel any different?"

Traitor lungs, he thinks as his breathing grows quicker and shallower as his panic grows, overpowering the warmth and affection hes' picking up from Aziraphale.
inlovewithmycar: (Sympathy)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-14 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. This is really turning into A Day, because he's starting to feel the confusion and bewilderment on Aziraphale's face.

He's getting an idea of what's happening here, and he doesn't like it. Because if he admits it, Aziraphale will know and he'll probably be very polite about it, but things will be awkward. He hopes it's just one of those temporary things the hotel pulls on them. Wait it out, let it pass, and it will be fine and Aziraphale will never have to know how deep this rabbit hole actually goes.

"Maybe you're a little oversensitive from having it gone?" He suggests. "Got a little worried there that you might be getting sick, so maybe that's what you're picking up."
inlovewithmycar: (Got the whole world in his hands)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-14 04:52 am (UTC)(link)
It hurts to be hit with that wave of fondness, especially after such a blatant lie.

But what can he say? Oh yes, that's just me, the demon that can love. Only been like this six thousand years, don't worry your pretty head about it.

At best he could hope for is another 'you go too fast for me', so Crowley keeps his mouth shut, and tries his damnedest to bury every feeling bubbling to the surface under a thick layer of denial.

"I'm sure it'll sort itself out, angel. Don't worry too much, yeah?"
inlovewithmycar: (Bargaining)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-14 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
Aziraphale's trust and affection nearly knock Crowley flat on his ass, and he feels a rush of guilt and shame at how quickly Aziraphale takes his word for granted.

He never lied to Aziraphale. At least, not about anything important.

...Except this.

It's his own bloody fault for falling in love with the angel in the first place. Somehow he's sure he deserves this.

"Just - " he gestures vaguely. "- Wanted to have a look around. Those guards are everywhere so making a break for it doesn't seem feasible. If only one of us could fly."
inlovewithmycar: (Daily allotted time for brooding)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-15 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
Crowley can normally only pick up when the angel is having some not-so-holy feelings, and the pride is a familiar and comfortable sensation. But it's coupled with hope, and cheer, and that warm, fizzy feeling Crowley can't put words to.

"Which Wei Wuxian...?" he asks, because he has met both of them and is quite aware there are two.

It was stupid to think he can survive this. It's barely gone ten minutes and he's already feeling overwhelmed - he doubts he can last however long this last. Days, probably. Indefinitely if Her Majesty is particularly sadistic.

He can't even bear to be far from Aziraphale thanks to this ridiculous buddy system, so no hope of relief there.
inlovewithmycar: (Time for sarcasm)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-15 05:50 am (UTC)(link)
One pining idiot recognizing another, Crowley thinks bitterly to himself.

"Wouldn't have said anything if I knew what was happening," he grumbles, kicking a small rock. Despite the horrific addition of toes to his scaly feet, Crowley is about the only one on the trip who doesn't seem bothered about being barefoot.

Mostly because he always has been.

"Besides, he'll get over it. Or learn to-"

Crowley physically staggers when he's hit by the wave of emotion Aziraphale.

He takes a moment, leaning heavily against a broken pillar, clutching his chest as though that might shield his heart from the onslaught of emotions.
inlovewithmycar: (Default)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-17 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Aziraphale is worried and Crowley can feel it, which only makes him feel more guilty. And yet, he loves the angel yet even more. The very core of him aches with it, and he tries to swallow it down, bury it out of sight, but he's too small for such a monumental feeling and despite his best efforts it always spills out.

"S'fine," he lies. "I'm okay. Probably just something I ate."

Despite his protests, he lets himself be guided away from the pillar, leaning on the very source of the issue. Aziraphale is warm and soft, and Crowley feels a complicated jumble of emotions. Guilt and shame, of course, for not being honest and for enjoying Aziraphale's proximity. Love tinged with desire, and fear of rejection.

Needless to say, Crowley's a bit of a mess.
inlovewithmycar: (Thrown for a loop)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-17 03:49 am (UTC)(link)
Crowley looks away, cheeks furiously burning.

"Fine. It's the same thing it's always been, angel," he practically snarls. "You don't have to keep prodding to make me say it. I got the hint back in '67, no need to tread old ground. I'm just-"

He draws an unsteady breath.

"-I keep trying not to feel whatever's going on with you, okay?"
inlovewithmycar: (Bargaining)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-17 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
"Are you -"

Crowley doesn't finish that sentence. Aziraphale looks quite serious - in fact he looks almost stricken.

The demon swallows a lump in his throat.

"...You really have no idea...? Then what was that 'you go too fast for me' all about...?!"
inlovewithmycar: (Sympathy)

[personal profile] inlovewithmycar 2020-07-17 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
Crowley is sorely tempted to argue. He's good at arguing, always been able to find the right nerve and poke it. He wants to say that he told Aziraphale the holy water wasn't for him, that Aziraphale never gave him the chance to explain himself, that he had just assumed...

...But if what Aziraphale just implied what Crowley thinks, hasn't he been doing the same thing...?

"...Yeah."

He hangs his head, because whatever else, thousands of years of having to remind himself it can never happen aches.

"Yeah, s'me. Been me for a while."

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